Here We Go...

Hi, I'm b'Rock. I'm a 21 year old college male, which means the only thing on my mind is mind - blowing sex with numerous amounts of women, getting so shit-tank drunk that I give AA meetings a new definition, and not suffering any consequences of my actions.

A few months back, my best friend, who happens to be the author My Life Since Twilight here on blogspot, had mentioned she read Twilight. And watched the movie. And seen all the behind the scenes on youtube. And facebook stalked Spunk Ransom and hacked a NASA satellite to pin point his exact location. The girl went fucking nuts about this teeny bopper book about vampire love and would endlessly talk about it, especially when we would get drunk. This got old quick, and I had to put a stop to it. Unable to hear one more goddamn thing about how badly Bella and Edward needed to bone, I made a deal. I told her I'd read the book if she stopped talking about it. This is where the blog gets good.

She accepted my offer, and I went to the store and bought the lame shit. I figured if I read slowly, I wouldn't hear her shit for a while. She was really into that fan fiction, which was talking about cold, long, hard vampire cock, which apparently "can make any woman drip with just a few sentences." You have to realize, being an early 20's guy, this sounds fucking retarded.

I read the book slowly. I'm not the kind of guy that reads a lot, I'm too busy being publicly innappropriate and wondering who the next woman is who gets the honors of giving me a blow job and cooking me a steak while I play Xbox. And I know what you're wondering... What happened to make me want to start this blog?

The Meadow Scene, that's what the fuck happened.

Book was done a few hours later, and now I wanted to talk to her about it.

Great, now I'm one of those fag teeny bopper lovers who beats off to the quote "So the lion fell in love with the lamb", only I'm a GUY! This can not be happening. I'm too manly for this. I'm in the military, I punch walls randomly just for fun, and have raging morning wood that's so bad, I require a pill that delivers the opposite effect of viagra just to make it through the day. My libido is that of a jack rabbit jacked up on cocaine and enzyte. I'm so horny it hurts.

So one day, My Life Since Twilight (I'm not sure what she wants me to call her yet on here) says "Hey, why don't you use it to pick up chicks? It'll totally work." I discredited this, because if a girl knew I read that book, I'd be automatically declared a vagina. I thought I'd have a better chance with women wearing a pink shirt that says "I'm gay, single, and I catch more balls than the Atlanta Braves."

Then I read some stories online about men who lost their wifes to this series. "Wah, my wife likes Edward more than me, wahhh." Although, I see where they're coming from, I decided to take My Life Since Twilight's advice, only I was going to take it a step further. I was going to do my best to, literally, become Edward Cullen. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and there's no beating this Ed guy. I could never reach his perfection, no, but anything that remotely resembles Ed is drooled upon. I discovered this quickly.

I now roam around my university, preying upon unsuspecting women. I can spot a Twislut from 50 yards, tell her she smells "absolutely delicious," ask her if she has ever heard of a book called "Eclipse, or New Moon," and when she gets excited and asks me if I read them, I simply say "of course, I'm just your regular hopeless romantic."

I am then pounced on, usually in front of large crowds, and get raped. My goal this week is to get another, and treat her real nice by watching porn before she gets home, putting a bag of ice on my crotch and give her the real Edward Cullen experience. I don't plan on leaving the sack for at least a week.

This blog is for men who need advice on how to use these techniques on women, my stories of success in using Twilight on women, and to have wives show their husbands this blog so that the wives might get laid again instead of having a husband who's jealous of a fictional vampire.


This book is the ultimate pick up line.